Developing Discipline Over Time

One of the challenges of life is to develop the discipline to always be engaged in behavior or activities that we will to greater long-term satisfaction in life. Sometimes, my kids wonder why I don't eat tons of ice cream, cake, and cookies. Well, yes, I sure like the flavor and I have cravings to eat to my heart's content from time to time. However, I realize that they will stick to me like glue, and they can have long-term effects on are overall health.

For someone who runs a lot in long-distance events, you would think I wouldn't be so concerned about that; yet, we can defy age, and not taking care of our bodies will catch up with us eventually.

It is hard to convince someone in their teens or in their young-adult years of these facts. You can sermonize all you want on these topics, so in the end, the best thing to do is live the best you can and hope your example speaks louder than words.

Having Fun Together

As parents, we often spend so much time trying to whoa or entertain our children with all sorts of gadgets, gizmos, and expensive outings that we often fail to connect with them doing much less extravagant activities. Case in point, our family decided to spend five days visiting and volunteering at the largest animal sanctuary in the United States (Best Friends - www.bestfriends.org) right before Christmas, and it was a real fun activity to do something together and to help work with homeless pets including dogs, cats, horses, pigs, and others.

Yes, I'm sure visiting Disneyland can be fun as well, but it seemed to create bond and purpose amongst ourselves as we spend time thinking about other living creatures in this world.

Randall

New Beginnings

Many people view the new year as a chance for new beginnings, and perhaps I viewed it in this way. However, by simply viewing life this way, it can stall our potential growth and leave us depressed when we come up short in our goals after two weeks into January.

Rather, I tend to view each day as a new beginning. If things don't work out on one particular goal, revise it and make new attempts to improve on the previous day. Life is meant to be savored each day, and having the chance to renew new ideas and goals on a daily basis can keep us moving forward.

For me personally, finding new ways of building relationships with kids (be they teenagers or adults) can be something you do every day.

Bonding Time

How do you spell bonding with a teenage daughter?

I-C-E-C-R-E-A-M!

Garden Miracles

Over the years, our family has had mixed success in growing a garden, but for the most part (and as a general rule), plants flourish when you take care of them. However, from time to time, we end up with seeds that start growing on their own, originating from many possible sources: old plants from the previous year, bird droppings, the wind . . . who knows. These unplanned plants, often called "volunteers" in the garden community, are generally unwanted, and I usually just yank them out of the ground.


This year, one such plant sprouted in my onion patch, and I was very tempted to pull it out along with a bunch of other weeds. However, I hesitated, thinking of giving the plant a chance to grow. On more days than one, I stared at the plant, wondering where its sprawling leaves and vines would take it. "What could come from such plant," I grumbled, thinking that the area of the garden could be used much better for other purposes. Please understand that I didn't want to waste my time and water on some no good plant just taking up space.

As the summer passed, the unknown plant kept growing and growing, expanding itself into the onions, on to the lawn, and up a trellis supporting other vegetables. I also spotted a strange melon-like fruit growing on the ground. It didn't quite look like a cantaloupe or honeydew melon, but it seemed to be of that family. Then, it suddenly ripened. We hauled the melon into the kitchen, cut it open, and saw a seemingly bland-looking fruit. Not quite the rich-looking orange of sweet cantaloupe, but when we bit into it, we were amazed out how an ordinary, unwanted plant could turn into scrumptious  treat.

Later on in the season, two more huge fruits ripened on the vine as seen in the picture, weight about 12 pounds (5.5 kilos) each. So the next time you think something isn't worth the effort . . . that something is simply worthless . . . give it a little time, patience, and care, and you might be surprised what it turns into at the end of the harvest.
So the next time you think something isn't worth the effort . . . that something is simply worthless . . . give it a little time, patience, and care, and you might be surprised what it turns into at the end of the harvest. Perhaps, that is the same with raising kids: don't count them out without the right nurturing patience that they need. Never give up!

Enduring the Race of Life

This past summer, I ran in a unique nighttime race called the Millcreek 50K, which started at 9:00 p.m. and traversed a number of mountain ridges, trails, and beautiful vistas during the 31-mile course to the east of Salt Lake City, Utah. One of the challenges of such a race is the relentless climbing that you have to make throughout the night while wearing a headlamp to keep you on the trail. There were times that I felt pretty exhausted, and at one point in the race at 3:00 a.m., I decided to lie down beside the trail and bask in the moonlight . . . mainly to rest up for the next section. At times, the thought of dropping out of the race crept in my mind, but I reminded myself that although it was somewhat slow going, completing the race would be worth it. Near the end of the race, I found myself on top of  ridge as the sun was coming up along the eastern horizon . . . a fantastic and warming site that illuminated the valley below.

This race in many ways reminded me of the race of our earthly existence: there will be some very dark moments when we feel we can move forward no longer. The blackness appears to wrap itself around us with little hope of prevailing until the end. However, by simply going on, the bright lights of the day will eventually break and dispel the darkness. This won't come immediately, but hope and faith tend to bring greater perspective into our lives. Will there be pain along the way? Absolutely. But the journey and what we learn along the way will be worth it for it is through trials that we learn the greatest lessons.

Bird Watching . . . literally!

As a parent, I often (constantly) need to remind myself of the many great things that my kids are doing that often go unnoticed or underappreciated. This past week, my daughter had her wisdom teeth taken out and battled with the pain, infection, and an unexpected fever that unfortunately come on as a result of the procedure. However, in spite of all this, she raised a baby bird that had fallen out of its next until it took flight today. Now, that might sound like a simple task, but when you realized that baby birds need to eat almost constantly, then you realize the magnitude of the task. She had a cage sitting right next to the couch where she lay sick and feverish all week, and then was still able to muster the strength to give the bird the attention and nourishment it need to develop.

Well, today, the bird too flight from our home . . . a bittersweet moment, but the fact the bird survived is a simple testament to my daughter's diligence in caring for a small creature that needed someone to care for it.

Thinking Ahead

Having some predictability in life can be a calming force to help you prepare for future events; however, as my children have grown, I have come to expect the unexpected, and learning to embrace this fact can help calm troubled seas. Life is about learning, and learning can come amidst the most unusual of circumstances.

The Effect of Dry Humor

As I was driving home with my youngest daughter, she mentioned that the other day, she had visited a friend who showed her some very old books, one in particular that dated back over 200 years. She commented on how cool it was to hold such a volume in her hands . . . the idea being that anything old brings with it some fascination and intrigue. Then, in my usual way, I commented that I had something that was even older, and I asked her if she wanted to see it. This really piqued (=to arouse or simulate) her interest. I mean the idea that your dad has something more fascinating than what you saw at your friend's house would arouse some curiosity. What could this old book be?

Once she said that she wanted to see see what I had, I then pulled the car over to the side of the road, got out of the car, picked up a small rock, and then handed it to her. "Here," I said, "is something that is much older than that book."

She was certainly not amused. What she thought would be some mysterious, ancient text, turned out to be some old rock in the road. My kids have gotten used to my dry humor, and they often don't believe anything I say. Anytime I start telling some story, they just roll their eyes and ignore me.

Still, I really enjoy being a father.

Investing in What Matters Most

As adults, so much of our time is spent in trying to get ahead in life: pursuing higher education, seeking out the best employment opportunities, buying a home, or obtaining things of material worth. Of course, many of these are very worthy goals; however, I wonder how fervent we are sometimes in investing in the emotional, not educational, well-being of our families, particularly our children. Someone once said that you'll never see a hearse pulling a U-Haul (i.e., we can't take material things with us into the afterlife including "Employee of the Year Awards), but I believe the one we can take with us is the relationship we have with our family. Many the most out of every moment with them, through the joys and pains of life, is the fabric that will bind us together.

Hope in Times of Need

“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise”

- Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet and Novelist, 1854-1900)

 Many of the things that have occurred in my life didn't happen by choice, but I have learned that life generally isn't what we expect to be like, but rather earthly existence is what it is. So, when we are faced with challenges, it does us no good to complain about the unfairness of it all. Rather, if we can allow these experiences to craft and mold our lives, we will in the end better for it.

 Just buckle up and try to enjoy the ride.

Being a Light

Recently, one of my brothers and I went to visit my parents, my mother having undergone surgery. She was still recovering in the hospital, and one one Sunday while we were there, my dad encouraged her to sing a song in English and in Spanish. She has always been an excellent singer, and she has never hesitated to share the Good Word with those around her. She sang a couple of Christmas carols, including silent night, and I knew her voice could easily reach into the halls.

Although I enjoy listening to her sing, I thought for a brief moment that voice might disturb people outside; however, I have always been impressed with her unwavering faith and devotion to God. Never ashamed to share her beliefs, something that she has proudly worn on her sleeve. Throughout the visit, I began to reflect on what I was doing in my own life to honor my parents' name. Do I show the same level of faith and devotion that they do to each other as I do to my own family? Does my behavior toward others elevate them to live better lives because of my example?

We can never expect that our own children we live a higher standard of conduct than our own, particularly when our actions do not match our words. Personal integrity is something I have tried to learn from my parents, and I hope I can emulate their goodness towards others.

Watch for the Reefs

“Life is not what it's supposed to be. It's what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”

Virginia Satir

The following is a fictitious story that I wrote for my family---somewhat didactic in nature to illustrate the importance of obedience, life's arbitrary nature of being seemingly unfair, and truth:

______________________________

Let me tell ya the tale of Master Henry . . .

When I was a lad of 14, I decided to leave home in search of new adventure---Home life was good, but my dear parents wanted me to study books and things, and their way of life seemed to weigh me down. I just couldn't see rhyme or reason for minding the Good Book or heeding their counsel. They had lived their whole lives under the shade of the elm trees in the tiny hamlet. Their words seemed so passe, so . . . well . . . I knew they loved me, but call for adventure tugged at my mind. Mama and Papa were good folk, but their life seemed so simple; their moral code so limiting, confining. Papa used to ramble on, saying that a bent arrow never sails true. Or something like that. But, times were changing, I thought, and so I bid them farewell and departed to seek my destiny at sea.

Thus, as a new mate on the voyage of life, I thought that the rules were meant to restrict my freedom (“No drinking, no lying, no dating maidens from the pirate vessel”), and so once I was on board the ship, I tended to listen to the young sailors on deck---many on their first voyage--- wailing that the captain was just too feeble of mind and reviling him, suggesting he was out of touch to know better. The rumors even spread that he was part witch and merman, and that he feasted on squid entrails. Sordid stories, ya see. Plus, the captain walked with a gimp and spent most his "free" time up in the ship's crows nest looking at some old book or something. Must be a pirate map; ditch us all, he might. Walk the plank, fer sure.

Had I just left the confines of the home to be bound once again by the rantings of an old sailor?

There was the time when we went into port, and he warned me about hanging out in the pub called, “The Prancing Damsels.” He said, “Ain't nothing good coming from that wretched place.” But what did he know, plus all of my fellow sailors were going there, and nothing bad seemed to happen to them . . . so I thought.” And the more I went, the less offensive a swig here or there from the bottle of life seemed to me. A little salty language there, a little horse play with the bar maidens. Just a little harmless fun. It ain't that bad. And so, the roar of the crowd drowned out good reasoning.

Or there was the time that the captain said that a storm was a brewing by just looking at the sky, licking the salt water in the air, and watching the movements of the brine shrimp in the water. Jackie Boy and I decided to take a lifeboat out to the nearby island in search of treasure . . . only to have our tiny craft nearly capsized in a tempestuous squall. “Ah, blimey, the Captain got lucky. Tis only chance that we nearly drown, but alas, we doing mighty fine now.” However, some of the crew saw it differently. “Pure gambling,” quoth the other sailors, and three days later on another adventure on the life raft, poor Johnny was taken under . . . swallowed by the unforgiving sea whose rage spares no man. The old Captain made me swab the deck five hours a day for weeks for my misfortune, and I cursed him for he was always after me. "He's trying to kill me, I tell ya," I lamented. And he made me climb up the mask again and again for absolutely no reason. When I asked him why, he simply muttered, “It'll do you some good, trust me.” "Tis ain't fair, I tell ya." Then, he retorted, “Life ain't all bliss, and if you're expecting it ta be, you're gonna be sorely disappointed.”

However, as I grew older, I could finally see that while I was standing on the main deck of life looking into the uncertain sea ahead of me, the Captain was standing 100 feet above in the crow's nest . . . above the low-lying fog that clouded my vision (the rhetoric and misguided sayings of the day) . . . and he could see the perilous coral reefs ahead. And instead of riding as close to the reefs as possible (for this was the badgering of the sailors to see if the dear Captain had seasoned skills of a “true” sailor), he purposely swung the ship far out and around the reefs. No cursing or name calling that spilled from the sailors lips could coax the Captain to deviate his course, because unbeknownst to us were the changing currents that in a moment's notice could lull the unwary vessel . . . little by little . . . into the reefs.

During all this time, many of the crew clamored for adventure and the spoils of some lost booty found aground on some distance shore; yet, we spent most of our time trimming the sails, seemingly floating in circles with no apparent destination On one season in port, the Captain exclaimed that any man who wanted to leave his service was welcome to do so. Disenchanted with what many considered the drivelings of an imbalance soul, nearly half the crew abandoned the ship, preferring to take their chances with another crew.

Yet, I stayed. Little by little, I began to discover that the captain had been using these apparently aimless maneuvers in the sea over the past few months to gauge the firmness of the crew's character. "There's a reason why we stand clear from the reefs of life," he exclaimed. At main deck, you often can't see the dangers and have the youthful tendency to dispel the reasoning (how illogical it may appear from the view from where you stand) of the man upstairs.

Then, one evening I perchance to spy the Captain reading the Good book on deck and struck up some light conversation, for by that time, the Captain had shown a liking to me, and I found his somewhat unorthodox demeanor calming. He treated the crew with respect, although this wasn't paid in kind; he also had an uncanny ability to see the future; he also was true to his word. Then, after quoting a scripture or two, he said, “My son,“ for that is what he called me, ”sailing far away from the reefs might not raise the hair on your neck, but you'll always make it back into the harbor. Make friends with those who don't compromise the craft." And then he concluded, "Remember, a bent arrow never flies true.” “A what? Wait,” I interjected. My papa used to say the same thing.” And then, as the Captain quietly walked away into the fog of the night, he concluded, “And a fine man your father was.” Wait,” I burst out, “Do you know my father?”, but the Captain's silhouette faded into the night, ignoring my pleas for an answer.

Until . . .

Well, so what's your ending to the story?

__________________________________________

The Moral of the Story:

My dad tried really hard, in spite of the many family challenges we faced, to provide for our financial, spiritual, and emotional well-being. When we were growing up, we often didn't see the reason behind my dad's seemingly-arbitrary decisions, but Dad instilled in me a moral compass by which he lived that has had a lasting impact on our lives. Such compass wasn't thrown off the the roar of the crowd or the shifting values of the day. He taught us values and standards that enabled us to make our own decisions later in life when we decided to plot our own courses, no matter what these decisions would be.

He taught me that life isn't always fair or that the reasons for rules aren't always clear from the deck of the ship, but the only thing we have control of is how I react to these situations: either accept the circumstances and trust in the Captain (parents, God, other leaders) in spite of the roars of the crowd (friends, the media) to do otherwise, or reject and rebel against such counsels. When we are young, we often don't realize that the string on the kite is the instrument to keeping the kite in flight, not to bind it to the ground. Remember that the string isn't rigid; it's flexible allowing some allowance for the kite to find its way. But try letting go of the string one time and see how quickly it falls.

I realized that as a member of the family, I followed the expectations of the family and the rules of society; once I was an adult and left home, I was given complete freedom to succeed or fail. What my father taught me served as the string to keep me firmly grounded, not as the world sees it, but in terms of unwavering faith, and also the strength to stay a float and thrive in the midst of challenges, not if, but when, they sail my way.

Forgiveness: Getting Beyond the Hurt

As a parent with the goal of successful and happy relationships, you have  to be prepared and willing to forgive and forget all the hurt, misfortunes, wrongs, and indiscretions that your children commit towards you, themselves, and/or others, but you must be equally be prepared to accept the fact that your children may not be as forgiving of any of your shortcomings or mistakes. The only thing you can do is to continue to sow and nourish the seeds of love and kindness and hope that the roots sink deep into your children's hearts.

Changing Seasons: Just like life . . .

On one day last week, I was mowing the grass, enjoying some pleasant weather, and the next day, I was shoveling snow in blistering cold temperatures in front of my house. One thing in life that is always certain is change. You cannot stop it, but you have to accept it under its own conditions. Complaining about the unfairness of life does nothing but make you miserable.