Remembering our son, Joshua

Last year, our dear son and friend, Joshua, passed away, and we have found that although we grieve and feel of loss of his earthly presence, we believe that families are eternal and we will see him again.

In the meantime, we feel it an honor to remember and celebrate his life and love for others. In particular, friends and family organized a service project to help families in need at a local food bank in our city. We felt it would be great to do this project on his birthday as a way to think about the needs of others who are poor and hungry. Josh had great compassion for others, and he felt strongly about showing charity to all those around him.

You can read more about this event here:

http://joshuascottdavis.org/dayofservice.htm

Spring: A Time of New Beginnings

Spring has arrived here in Utah, and my wife and I worked in the garden getting things ready for planting. We have a number of fruit trees, and one important step is to prune them so they will produce better fruit and remain healthy throughout the year.

Perhaps, the concepts of spring and pruning could also be applied to our own lives. From time to time, we sometimes allow bad habits to grow out of control, leading to an unwieldy character that languishes over time. One might say that rules (or carefully pruning) can deny one the ability to grow, but simple growth does not lead to better results. Such pruning of bad habits can allow us to strengthen the parts of our character can lead to better, long-term outcomes. We weed out any weak branches, giving more room and light to other development.

Furthermore, when the fruit starts to appear, you have to thin out the tree or remove a lot of the fruit so that more of the tree's energy is focused on that which remains. This might sound counter-intuitive in the beginning, but with our own trees, we have been able to huge apples because we have taken the time to care for the tree in the early spring.

So, now that spring has arrived, what part of your own life might need a little pruning? 

Love: Keeping the Fire Burning

Many people celebrated Valentine's Day yesterday, and my wife and I spent the evening doing indoor rock climbing and having a meal at a restaurant. Over the years, I have found that spending time together doing things you both enjoy is so important. Building the relationship every day cements your friendship more than giving flowers and candy once in a while. 

 

 Furthermore, if you view relations only as a contract (you give 50% and I give 50%), then problems and unhappiness are bound to happen. Instead, try giving 100% of your effort to the other person. Now, there will be times in a life when unexpected situations arise that put pressure on a relationship (illness, death, financial strain), but when you accept first that life isn't always fair and that you really have to keep putting wood on the fire of love, then you are devoting all of your energies to make things work.

 

Here is one of my listening activities from my Web site, www.esl-lab.com, on what NOT to do to maintain love in a relationshop.

- http://www.esl-lab.com/flowershop/flowershoprd1.htm

Remembering Our Son and His Life - Joshua Davis

It has been about nine months since our son, Josh, passed away (www.joshuascottdavis.org), and there are many things we have learned about him and ourselves over that time. We have always been grateful for the wonderful life he shared with us and others, but if there is one thing I have learned (and continue to learn) is how small acts of kindness can really provide a healing balm days, months, and years after a difficult event occurs.

In other words, I have appreciated most have been the small cards, letters, and even heartfelt words from friends, family, and even complete strangers that have expressed how Joshua had an impact on their lives. Even something months and years later can provide great comfort.

I have also discovered that you often don't see the collateral or rippling effect of a person's life in real time. Rather, you sometimes discover that small acts of kindness and generosity of a person may have been the small rudder to have lifted somewhat up in their own difficult times of grief, sadness, and loneliness.

This perhaps is a selfish desire or yearning to know what Josh meant to others, but I hope that knowing such feelings, events, and his example can help me become a better father and friend to others. And for that, I thank him for being my son.

Randall

New Year's Resolutions

As parents, we sometimes beat ourselves up for perhaps what we could have done better in raising our kids. We sometimes blame ourselves for all of their challenges and problems. Of course, we need to take ownership over what we can control, but children tend to make many independent decisions on their own. As we enter this new year, perhaps we can be more forgiving of ourselves, and at the same time, try to make small meaningful goals that can help us become better people. I've created a video on this topic here:

http://www.esl-lab.com/seasons/newyear-video.htm

Building Better Relationships

All too often, we tend to gravitate to things that are most comfortable to us, which can limit our opportunities for growth. The same could be said of doing things with our kids. The other day, my son wanted to play soccer outside in the snow and sub-freezing temperatures, and we could only wear shorts, a t-shirt, and shoes. No gloves, no hats, no other protective gear. At first, I thought this was a little crazy, but life is all about making memories with those we love. Here is an activity I created based on this experience.

http://www.esl-lab.com/worldcupsoccer/soccer-video.htm

Enjoy. Randall

Wedding Anniversary

As our 25th wedding anniversary is approaching, I often reflect on wonder journey of life we have experienced together during this time. Of course, for some, 25 years is a very short time, while to others who have been married a few months, it might seem like a lifetime.

For me, it has been a wonderful ride, filled with great joys and some special trials along the way. However, in each passing day, I express my gratitude for a wonderful family and wife who have allowed me to be apart of this experience, and remind myself to take for the ones I love.

I also remind myself what I DON'T want to do, and I created some humorous listening activities on my Web site, Randall's ESL Cyber Listening Lab (www.esl-lab.com) about this. Just enjoy the ride and seize every moment to be kind.

Wedding Anniversary
- http://esl-lab.com/anniversary/anniversaryrd1.htm

Flower Shop
- http://esl-lab.com/flowershop/flowershoprd1.htm

The True Meaning of Christmas

With the Christmas season approaching, I want to share this listening activity on my language-learning Web site that reflects the goodness in people as they think of others. The story isn't based on real events, but its message can be a reminder to show kindness to others, especially those who are suffering:

http://www.esl-lab.com/gift/giftrd1.htm

Over the years, I have tried to emphasize to my children how Christmas can be season of giving: giving of oneself, your time, your talents, and your encouragement to those who most need it. You can't buy happiness, but you can certainly cheer up a downtrodden soul.

Even a simple smile can go a very long way to making someone's day.

Randall

Wisdom Verses Intelligence

We often here discussion on the difference between wisdom and intelligence, and statements are often made to describe wisdom as something that is gained with age.

Perhaps . . .

Rather, we could also say that we often see people that are "mature" in years, yet lack good judgement about how they act and react to different situations. In saying this, I want my own children to realize that adults don't have a corner of true wisdom. Wisdom can result from a variety of experiences unrelated to age. Whatever the case, true wisdom is realizing that we really know nothing in comparison to what knowledge really exist out there. Furthermore, wisdom isn't simply related to facts and figures. Being emotionally intelligent and wise is also key.

I just hope I am making progress in my own journey along the road of intellectual, emotional, and spiritual enlightenment.

Building Long-lasting Relationships

Perhaps, one of the greatest secrets in promoting healthy relationships is being completely honest in all you do. Making up stories about your life, your interests, and your abilities will only lead problems when your lies are discovered. In my listening activity called, "Running Shoes" (http://esl-lab.com/runningshoes/runningshoesrd1.htm) (at Randall's ESL Cyber Listening Lab) describes one similar situation and the best ways to build long-lasting friendship.

Feel free to share your thoughts on this topic.

Randall

Growing Trees and Raising Children

 From time to time, I have written about forming good life habits, be they related to learning or positive behaviors in our daily lives.

Discipline and care are really necessary to learn good habits. In our garden, my wife has apple trees, and you have to shape and prune (cut) the branches carefully so you can enjoy a great harvest. If you don't do this when the tree is young, it will become unmanageable. The same goes with learning. If you don't form good habits early, you won't see the rewards of hard work.

All too often, people procrastinate and don't train their minds and bodies. The same could be said of any aspect of life. But like a tree, it is almost impossible to move or bend the trunk of a tree after a few years unless you pull it out. Forming good habits early in life can help point you in the right direction toward future goals.

Yes, it is much easier to cast a few seeds in the ground and watch what happens, and caring for a garden takes constant care, but the long-term results of such work are very rewarding. 

 

Remembering Joshua Scott Davis

One of the greatest blessings in life is having family, enjoying their company, teaching them them the pleasures of life, and helping them through the trials of our existence. Three months ago, our son, Joshua, passed away, and while we feel grief and sorrow, we also feel great comfort and joy know that he had such an impact on all those around him and that his life continues on. Feel free to visit the Web site we created in his honor and learn more about him.

http://joshuascottdavis.org

Randall Davis
Father

Kids are like a Garden

In some ways, tending a garden is like raising kids. You simply can't toss a few seeds out into the garden and then expect some results with out preparing the soil (teaching good principles), watering it as needed (giving constant love and attention), pulling out weeds (correcting our children and protecting them from negative and unhealthy influences, when and where possible), and channeling their energy to grow tall.

In our garden as you see here, we grow our melons vertically using different supports. Melons have the energy to grow just about anywhere, but you have to direct their energy and give them the right support to reach their potential.

Over the years, we have had a good harvest by using this method, but we have to give it proper attention. Kids, in like manner, will flourish with the right amount of teaching, correction, support, and love.

Randall

Lasting Change

From time to time, life has a way of redirecting our very existence, whether we like the path that has been chosen for us or not. I speak specifically of events over which you have no control. Sickness is one of times. When great turmoil happens, we then sometimes promise to ourselves and to our family and friends that somehow our lives will be different. There's nothing wrong with making changes as long as their are lasting changes, those kinds of life modifications that ground us solid to a new way of living that isn't altered simply by new situational shifts.

By staying grounded, family and friends know where we stand and can take faith in us when things get tought.

Dealing with Grief

At some point in our lives, we will all face some time of sadness and grief due to sickness, broken relationships, or death. In fact, death is one part of our human existence from which none of us can escape. However, how we respond to it can have a significant impact on how we respond to other problems as well. For me personally, I realize that life isn't always fair, nor is it meant to be. We all must face great disappointments along the way, but if we allow, they can help forge, strengthen, and mold our character as new challenges come along. Furthermore, such trials can help us become more compassionate towards others.

I would much rather be able to choose my problems, but when I can't, I try to accept the fact that such tribulations can help me build great resolve and faith to become a better person.

Randall