Communicating: It can be done!

When I sometimes hear young parents lamenting over the challenges of getting their toddler to eat their vegetables, I sometimes wish I could simply change places. I just don't have the heart to tell them how hard raising children could get when their cute, cuddly child might change into a snarly (teenage) porcupine. I'll let them figure that one out.

Now, I am extremely grateful for my kids, and now that I look back at our experiences over the years, I see each challenge as a gift in disguise.

One thing that parents sometimes encounter is the inability to communicate with children. We often are not pre-programmed with that gift, and our kids sometimes remind us of that; however, when an opportunity to bond with your teenage kids falls in your lap, you just can't ignore it.

I mean if your teenage daughter had a choice of doing anything with you---shopping, getting her hair done, sitting in front of the TV---and said that she wanted to spend the night in the mountains---SNOW CAMPING IN THE DEEP OF WINTER---what would you say, fathers?

There's only one thing you can say! "When do we leave?"

Grab the chance to talk with your daughter! It might not come around again, but she will certainly remember it!

How do I know? I've done it myself. An unforgettable experience to understand one another better and to communicate without all the distractions around us.

Forgiveness: A Building Block of Postive Relationships

An often seen quote whose authorship I am unaware sizes up one key element in good relationships:

"Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your blessings in stone."

It probably wouldn't take any one us but a moment to think of one (or many more times) in which you felt offended by the actions of others. This is very true of marriage and raising children, and too often we tend to hold grudges and treat the postal carrier or the guy handling your order at McDonalds with more courtesy and respect than are own family. 

In life, things happen, and mistakes are made. What we do next will often determine the outcome. Generally speaking, we often take several possible approaches, two of which are (1) holding the offense against someone because they somehow deserve it, and/or (2) we won't let the issue die until the person comes grovelling to us (i.e., we appoint ourselves judge over the situation).

Developing the skill to allow your hurts to be washed away requires very open communication, something with which I still need plenty of practice. However, harboring bitter feelings toward a spouse or children does nothing to foster positive feelings at home.

Funerals and Expressing Condolences

I work with international students who learning English to prepare to study at universities in the United States. In my class yesterday, the topic of my family came up, and a student ask me to invite my children to come, specifically with regards to my oldest son. (I had shared a story about him as I sometimes do about others in the family.). When I told the students that he had passed away last year, I could tell they didn't know what to say, and I reassured them that talking or asking about him was completely okay. For many, we often don't know what to say when someone dies, and for this reason, I created a listening conversation on this topic. I thought it might help in such situations: Funerals: Expressing Condolences

Be Persistent

Persistence is one attribute this is needed in life to make things happen. It is all too easy to give up when small roadblocks get in your way. Of course, there are times when major events in our lives (financial crisis, illness or death, loss of a job) can affect the course of our lives, but taking small steps can bring us back to the path we want to go. This past weekend, my wife and I ran the Huntsville Marathon in Utah, and it was a great experience. At times, we can question whether you will make it to the end, but even if you have to take slow, persistent steps in the right direction, you will eventually reach your goal.

The same can be said of raising a family: keep going, don't give up, keep loving your children in spite of what happens in their lives.

You will succeed.

Tending the Garden

Raising a family is very much like tending a garden. You simply can't throw seeds on top of some dirt and hope that beautiful flowers will spring forth on their own. It takes preparing the soil, constantly care in watering and pulling out weeds, and giving the right food to nourish the tender plants.

Earlier this year, we planted some mammoth sunflower seeds that our son had saved from a previous year. They started small, but with lots of sun and some constant care, they grew and grew. The same could be said of raising children. Spending time with them, laughing together, and teaching good moral values of honesty and charity towards others can be some of the keys. As you can see in the pictures below, our sunflowers grew this year, from small seedlings to full-grown plants.