Actions Speak Louder Than Words

"As parents, we guide by our unspoken example.  

It is only when we're talking to them that our kids aren't listening."  

 - Attributed to Robert Brault

 There are times in our lives when we as parents seem to be dishing out some form a sermonette to our children on some lost value or virtue that has seemed to have escaped them. My kids often remind me that I have given this or that one before ("Oh, yeah, dad. Isn't that sermonette number 234? Got it.") At some point, even my Reader's Digest version of my lectures don't appear to fly either. 

Unless you are talking about allowance or how much you plan on letting them use the car (or you just want to hear your own voice rehashing the lecture for the 10,000th time), you will probably be talking on deaf ears. And rightly so in many cases.

While we tend to administer instruction from the pulpit looking down, we probably should be spending more time in the pews ourselves. Personally, I have found that that I can't expect my children to rise to any higher standard than to the one I reach myself. Can you expect your children to be honest if you try to sneak food and drink into a movie theater when clearly posted signs say it is prohibited? You can try to justify certain behaviors by saying the policy doesn't make sense or that the movie theater makes tons of money off refreshments (which they do), but so will your children. We honor policies out of respect. We might be able to outsmart children when they are little, but they quickly see the shallowness of our words.

Being a Light

Recently, one of my brothers and I went to visit my parents, my mother having undergone surgery. She was still recovering in the hospital, and one one Sunday while we were there, my dad encouraged her to sing a song in English and in Spanish. She has always been an excellent singer, and she has never hesitated to share the Good Word with those around her. She sang a couple of Christmas carols, including silent night, and I knew her voice could easily reach into the halls.

Although I enjoy listening to her sing, I thought for a brief moment that voice might disturb people outside; however, I have always been impressed with her unwavering faith and devotion to God. Never ashamed to share her beliefs, something that she has proudly worn on her sleeve. Throughout the visit, I began to reflect on what I was doing in my own life to honor my parents' name. Do I show the same level of faith and devotion that they do to each other as I do to my own family? Does my behavior toward others elevate them to live better lives because of my example?

We can never expect that our own children we live a higher standard of conduct than our own, particularly when our actions do not match our words. Personal integrity is something I have tried to learn from my parents, and I hope I can emulate their goodness towards others.

Finding Your Way

One hobby---or method of maintaining my sanity---is trail running. Instead of running endless miles on pavement, I much prefer hitting the hills or desert in rain, sun, or snow in testing my mental and physical endurance. In one particular race, the goal was to complete a marathon distance in the desert along some very scenic spots. The rain was coming down pretty steadily at the start of the race, but this dissipated after a few miles in the to course. However, once I reached mile 13, the runners just ahead of me seem somewhat disorientated, and although were distinctive orange arrows on the ground that seemed to point in one direction, it just didn't seem like the right way basic on the basic map we were carrying with us and the lack of footprints.  Normally, a race such as this is well marked with colored flags, signs, or even volunteers to point you in the right direction. However, after getting lost and runners going in all directions, the race was called off in light of the danger of runners getting further lost in the desert.

In many ways, this reflects the challenges which confront us and our children. Too often in life, there are signals or mixed messages that can mislead us and take us off the prescribed course. Fortunately, parents, good friends, and other mentors can keep us on the right path.